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11.08.2004

Parlockery

Parlockery - verb. The act of faking, staging or exaggerating an attack or assault on a republican or conservative which is then blamed on a Democrat and or Liberal to make the Democrats and or Liberals look bad, evil, criminal or just plain mean. Usaully accompanied by a loud outraged cry to the media and other conservatives. Made famous by Phil Parlock, a serial victim and republican who has faked several attacks for political gain.

I was shocked, shocked when I read the angry, curse filled entry on Cam Edwards site which described horrible vandalism done to one Farrah Whitworth-Rahn's SUV. The damage was severe. Tires slashed, all the windows broken, grafitti of swastikas and the words "Bush is Hitler" written all over it. Farrah was justifiably pissed off and I was embarrassed by the actions of someone on my side politically.

I immediately returned to my site to write a critical piece denouncing this type of behavior.

I returned a few minutes later to Cam's site and the post was gone, replaced with a sing song light hearted post about the OCC guys coming to town and how much Farrah was looking forward to getting an autograph from Paul Sr.

What the Fuck?

I don't know about you, but if anyone damaged my vehicle to the extent that she claimed hers had been, I would have been pissed and seeking some legal, if not physical, vengeance.

I contacted Farrah via e-mail and asked what the deal was with the vandalism post. She replied and said she had been too angry when she had written the original post and was pursuing charges against the person who had committed this horrible crime. She deleted the post.

A little while later she put up this post:

Camedwards.com 12:45 pm

By Farrah Whitworth-Rahn
My SUV was vandalized last night - tires slashed, swastikas and "Bush is Hitler" written all over it with permanent marker, windows broken and my laptop, digital camera and some other electronics were stolen. Security cameras got a nice photo of his face, license plate and his dinner.

Some of you might have already seen the huge rant I posted this morning. The rant included a description of what I wanted to do to the punk when I found him - involving his testicles and my boots. After calming down, I remembered the first rule of suing someone. The first rule is to keep your mouth shut. So I deleted it.

I think we've ID'd the guy and the cops are picking him up this morning. The EVIL SUV already has new tires and is getting its glass replaced this afternoon. I can't get the marker off, so if anyone has any suggestions on how to remove permanent marker without damaging the paint or finish, I would appreciate an email.

**UPDATE**

As I was answering the last comment, Officer Brown (officer on my case) called. They picked up the kid, turns out he lives down the street. He's a senior in high school, and according to Brown he's a good kid. Brown did say "damn punk kids, they have no idea what the real world is like". I had to laugh. I thought to myself - "What liberal does?"

The kid admitted to vandalizing the truck, and his parents are on their way over to discuss this with me. I'll keep you posted.

**UPDATE #2**

Acetone free nail polish remover seems to be doing the trick on the marker.

**UPDATE #3**

The kids parents just left and I'm a little relieved. His parent's were very apologetic, and were very angry with their son for doing something so stupid. While they were no Bush fans, they said they don't encourage actions like these (they repeated that several times sometimes with a variation of "taught him better"). We discussed compensation for the tires and the glass and wrote me a check on the spot. Their son will be coming over later today to finish removing the marker. They also made sure to let me know their son would be severely punished, starting with the loss of his driving priviledges until he pays them back for the check they wrote me. I thanked them for coming over and being willing to discuss this with me. The kid's parents were very nice, and after meeting them I feel a little guilty for overreacting the way I did this morning.

The way this happened, according to what their son told them was a typical case of peer pressure. The kid and his friends were caravaning back from a party after a football game. One of the boys in the group spotted the EVIL SUV parked on the street, with my Bush/Cheney sticker and the readily identifiable license plate that indicates I'm a Republican (It's a vanity plate). This boy pulled over and pissed all over the license plate, while the kid and everyone else in the group watched and laughed. Someone else in the group dared the kid to write "Bush is Hitler" on the hood, and it escalated from there.

The kid swears no one in the group stole my electronics, and I believe him. The security camera shows the kid reaching in to the car and pulling something out. According to his parents, the kid's explanation for that was a wrench he used to break the windows slipped out of his hands and into my back seat. His father said a wrench is always in the toolbox in the trunk of the car the kid was driving. The father was very frank about it, and I just didn't get the impression he was lying or trying to cover for his son. After he explained the wrench, the father repeated the "no Bush supporter, taught him better than this" statement. Someone else must have come along and spotted an opportunity. Unfortunately the security cameras didn't catch anyone else.

Maybe it's because the kid confessed so quickly this morning, or that his parents were truly sorry - but I think this kid didn't mean any harm. I really believe this was just a stupid thing that kids do sometimes. I certainly never vandalized to this extent, but I made a T.P. slingshot for getting the tops of trees when I was 14 and terrorized the neighborhood with T.P. of every ply and color until my neighbor caught me. Maybe if I was a kid today, I would do what this kid did.

After meeting the parents, and discussing what happened with them I decided I'm not going to press charges. Once the kid gets here and finishes cleaning up the marker (with me glaring at him the whole time), I'll consider this case closed and lessons learned on both sides.


I was amazed at Farrah's changed, gentler tone. I was also amazed that she seemed to be able to get the entire episode resolved in a matter of hours. Her tires were repaired within 2 hours of her first report of the attack. Updates kept rolling in. The tires were fixed, the marker was magically removed with "acetone free nail polish remover", the suspect had been caught by the police and instead of arresting him, Officer Brown arranged a meeting between the parents and Farrah. The parents came over, wrote a check, apologized bing bang boom, Less than 4 hours had passed from her original post and the entire sordid event was resolved. Lesson learned.

Yeah, right.

The alleged kid, who we later find out is named "Brian", told his parents this amazing story about a carload of kids on their way home passing by Farrah's SUV and being egged on by the other kids to do the vandalism. He pissed on her license plate then did all the other things.

Remember Farrah's first paragraph of the post:

"Security cameras got a nice photo of his face, license plate and his dinner."
She had claimed in her previously erased post that security cameras had captured a closeup of the assailants face, his Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on the rear window (and that it had a peeling corner), his license plate and his "Wendys" hamburger sitting on his front seat. The thing she never mentioned was seeing other kids in the car, or around the car, or in the area. If her security camera system was so incredibly detailed, how could she have missed that?

She also mentioned items were stolen and that "Brian" said he didn't take them. Several hundred or thousand dollars worth of items, a felony, for which she was not compensated or, apparently, that concerned about.

Two problems with that:

1. Who the fuck would believe anyone who had just done that much damage to your vehicle (including urinating on your personalized tag).

2. Why didn't the security cameras capture the "real" thief.

Was anyone who read this story amazed at Farrah's graciousness and forgiving nature about this horrible attack? Was anyone befuddled by the quick resolution of so many problems. Has anyone every tried to get all of your tires and every window replaced, tinted, and completely cleaned the permanent marker "written all over.." an SUV in less than 24 hours (everything but the tint done in less than 6 hours)?

I was more than suspicious, I was a feeling my "con" radar (not conservative, con-artist) go off, so I made some calls. My first call was to the Phoenix Police Department. I spoke to several law enforcement officers and asked if there had been any reports of a vandalism of a vehicle. I also gave them Farrah's full name and street address (which I obtained through legal and publicly available means). None of them had any knowledge of any incident like that.

I then contacted a friend of mine who lives in Phoenix. Amazingly enough, this friend lives a few miles from Farrah. My friend confirmed Farrah's address and then drove to Farrah's home and noticed...nothing. No SUV. NO Glass in the street. No embarrassed teen trying valiantly to remove permanent marker...nothing. My friend then went to the local PD and spoke to a supervisor. This is the precinct that has responsibility for the neighborhood that Farrah lives in. It is called the Ahwatukee Foothills police precinct. My friend gave the supervisor a copy of Farrah's internet report of the vandalism. He checked and stated that he had worked the last 3 nights and knew nothing about such an incident but that he would check it out and call her back.

He did about thirty minutes later. He had checked with every supervisor at the precinct, the supervisor of the 911 dispatchers, the P.A.C.E. supervisor and asked all of his men if they had taken a report or responded to an incident at Farrah's addresss. None had. He further stated that there was no officer with the last name Brown in that precinct. He even checked neighboring precincts and found one officer Brown that worked in a neighboring precinct but he had been off for the past two nights and was not scheduled to be back at work until the following night.

I called and confirmed all of this information with the supervisor the next day. He again stated that he had checked with everyone in the precinct and could find no evidence that any vandalism had occured. He said he was going to turn it the written copy of Farrah's claim over to the Internet Crime's division for further investigation. I called back again tonight and re-confirmed that nothing had happened or been reported about the alleged incident. He had checked again and found nothing.

In conclusion, I don't know what, if anything happened, to Farrah's vehicle this weekend. I did conclusively prove that portions of her story were complete fabrications. I think it is time for Farrah to come clean about what, if anything, happened, and to either provide some shred of proof; the security video, a police report, the pictures taken by the police, a reciept showing tires, windows or tint were replaced, something conclusive or to apologize for fabricating this story and libeling liberals and Democrats. It is a shameful and pathetic scam to do something like this and play upon bias and hatred against your political opponents.

Cam should do whatever he feels is neccessary to reclaim his site's credibility. I would suggest some personal responsiblity that the conservatives claim to hold so dear.

Congratulations on the twins, Cam.

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